दोराहा

एक दोराहे पर खड़ा असमंजस में था मैं

एक ओर पगडण्डी थी
संकरी, ऊबड़ खाबड़
एक मानुस के क़दमों सी चौड़ी
शायद काँटे भी बिछे थे कुछ
पर मेरे घर तक जाती थी वो |

एक ओर थी चिकनी सड़क
सारी तेज गाड़ियों से सजी
कई लोगों के भार वहन की क्षमता लिये
पर अंत उसका दीखता नहीं था कहीं |

सभी सड़क पर चले जाते थे
शायद घर किनारे पर ही थे उनके
या फिर, किनारे की सराय में
रात बसर होती थी उनकी |

मैं बस खड़ा सोच रहा था
राह में गिरने का डर था शायद
या, गिरकर होने वाले उपहास का 
या फिर, अकेले काँटों पर चलने का
पर बार बार घूम फिरकर वहीँ पहुँच जाता था |

कोई गाड़ी नहीं जाती वहाँ तक
न ही कोई साथ जायेगा 
ये कुछ अंतिम कदम थे
जो अकेले ही तय करने थे मुझे
आखिर कब तक यूँ
सड़कों और सराय में रात बसर होगी?

Independence

A student was reasonably good at studies in his school. He was quite interested in literature and arts. As soon as it came to choose a subject between science and arts, he went for science. Why?? Because, most importantly, it was the most secure option to make a career in terms of getting a job and making money. Secondly, learning science gives him a status symbol in the society as an intelligent person. (both reasons quite true in India at least).

A person is getting ready for a party. What is the common criteria for getting ready or selecting any set of dresses? Does one decide it on the basis of how comfortable he feels and whether he likes it or not or it is decided according to what people will think of his appearance or if it carries any brand value in the society.

In both the examples, given above, I am trying to demonstrate the idea of independence. Independence (स्वतंत्र)  means self-governance (स्व + तंत्र) which implies that your decisions are dominated by you not by others. As soon as, one's decisions are affected by other's perspectives or way of thinking, he becomes dependent on others (परतंत्र). 

If you ask somebody whether he wants to be independent or not. The answers is invariably 'yes'. But, independence is not only about fulfilling your physical necessities on your own, rather it includes independence of thought as well and to me, that is the most important aspect because one can never be fully independent in terms of physical needs. He has to rely on others in a mutually fulfilling way. But, one can always be independent in his thoughts without taking concerns from others.

Normally, our thinking is affected by many factors. It can be common assumptions accepted in our society, a saying by a great personality or a reference from a book. I am not saying that these assumptions are always wrong. But, if we blindly follow them, where is our authority in those thoughts. This way, many a times, we end up being a person what others want us to be rather than being a person what we want to be. So, the important thing is if we check these values on our own rights before accepting them. Once evaluated on our rights, we own those values and then, even if we follow them, its our independent thought not from others.

Conversation: An Important Issue

The most important aspect of any conversation (संवाद) is the feeling of assurance that the person, who I am talking to, is getting the same message that I am trying to convey him in my own words. Normally, we get the meaning of the common words, specially in our mother tongue, from our surroundings which includes family, friends and the society which we live in. When we are talking to someone who is from different background (may be even different language), we are not sure that our message is reaching exactly the same way to him. Sometimes, even we in ourselves are not very sure of the right meaning of a word. This, many times, leads to confusion or may be even conflict in a dialog between two persons.

I will try to explain it with an example. I was discussing once with one of my friends about how we are always driven by assumptions in our life. Like, we are always taught since our childhood that one should respect (सम्मान)  his elders. Then, what do we do with youngers? Does this mean that one should respect only elders and insult (opposite to respect) youngers? To me, respect means 'right evaluation of  a person' which is applicable to both elders as well as youngers. In response, he said that one should respect elders and have affection (स्नेह) for youngers. Again, I understand affection as 'a feeling of relationship with someone' which one should have for an elder as well as younger person. I do not want to say here whether I am wrong or he is wrong. The matter is basically the meaning of these two words. May be he had a different meaning than mine associated to these words which is definitely leading to a confusion in our conversation. 

Another issue is that a word can never be exactly translated from one language to the other keeping its meaning intact. Atleast, I have experienced this thing. I can not express myself properly while I am talking in English (I mean any language other than my mother tongue). Its not that my English is too bad, but I think its because I do not have same feeling associated to the word that is translated from Hindi to English.Or, I should say that it is foreign language for both of us, so I am not sure what meaning he is getting from the same word. Again, I am not sure if the other person is getting the same massage that I want to convey to him.

कश्ती की कश्मकश

दास्ताँ ज़िन्दगी की सुनाएँ क्या हम 

कश्मकश हर घड़ी की भुलाएँ क्या हम?

कश्तियों की किनारे की ज़द्दोज़हद 

क्या कलम से बयाँ कर भी पाएंगे हम?

दूर जाना के फिर पास आना तेरा 

तेज़ लहरों में सर को झुकाना मेरा

राह मिलने की मुश्किल ना होती अगर

क्या जहाँ होता इतना दीवाना तेरा?

साथ कोई ना था बस तेरी आस थी

बढ के छूने की तुझको ही इक प्यास थी 

बीच मझधार हो या भँवर पार हो 

ज़िन्दगी की मेरी बस यही राह थी |

मिलने की चाह में हर किनारे पे ही 

लहरों को हमने मिटते हुए देखा है

लाख कह ले, रहो दूर मुझसे, शमा

परवानों को बस जलते ही देखा है |

Is reaction the solution?

One day a person mocked at me in front of many of my friends. Every one started laughing at me. I felt so bad that I started burning from inside to take revenge of my insult from this person. I started looking for any opportunity to insult him in front of the same people. All the time, my mind was occupied with the thoughts of how I can get a chance. I carried this weight for many days in my head and finally got to insult him and people laughed again, but this time at him. Now, the same process began with him.

This is a very common situation in our lives and most of the times we react the same way as I did. But, have we ever thought if it will lead to a solution? It can go in an endless loop in this way, a never ending process. I will always be unhappy until I make the other person feel bad and my experience says that I don't feel good (happy) after insulting him either. Yes, it may give a momentarily satisfaction but I do not think that it will be very long lasting. So, is this the right way of approaching this situation? Probably not.

First of all, there is no fulfillment during this whole process. At least one of the persons (even if I assume that I will be happy after taking revenge) is going to suffer all the time. No need to say that it is no way of fulfilling relationships between two human beings. And of course, it is certainly going to come back and bite me again. Then, what is the solution?

It should be very clear that both of us want respect from each other and when I check on my own rights, I find that it is always naturally acceptable to me to respect others as well. So, I could say that intentions are same from both sides, but this is only half of the issue. The other part is one's competence whether I am able to fulfill my intentions or not. And if I do find myself more competent then the other person, it is my responsibility then to make a program to make him as competent as I am.

One more thing, there should always be a common basis for comparison. If I am judging myself on the basis of my intentions, the other person should also be judged on his intentions. The problem arises when one judges oneself on intentions, but judges the other on the basis of his competence.